Umm I'm too high to move.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
