She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I love you. Go after that dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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