you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
