Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We got so high we made milksteak
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
