i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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