How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
