I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
