Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
