just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
