You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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