Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
