Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
