I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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