Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
