She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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