Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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