Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
