God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
