There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
