there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dignity is for republicans.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
