im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We don't watch enough power rangers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
