Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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