I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
