I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
