he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
