I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
