I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
did you just send me my own nude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
