You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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