So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
