rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
