Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
