FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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