Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
