I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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