There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
