Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
