We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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