you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
