I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
