I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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