an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
