Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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