A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
