My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hippo gnu deer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
