you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is wine microwaveable?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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