this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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