ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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