Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
