I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
