I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
